Keep Calm Advises the Armed Soldier

SANTA MARIA MAGGIORE.

We have no Swiss Francs so we set the alarm for 6:30. This enablea ua to leave the car park before 7 am and avoid any charges. Rush hour is well under way. Stop after an hour for breakfast. Bizarrely, a German family of three, mum, dad and daughter, all urinate on the grass rather than use the wc right next to them.

We travel through the Alps and the scenery is stunning. We opt for the San Bernadino tunnel rather than the pass. Stop at McDonalds for coffee and the most delicious lemon cheese muffin. We assume that we're in Italy because of the signs but the waitress tells us it's Swiss-Italian.

The border catches us by surprise. We're so absorbed by the north end of Lake Maggiore that we're not prepared. The armed soldier on guard tells me to keep calm when I can't find my passport. Not easy to do when facing a gun.

The final stretch of the journey is a challenge. It's along a narrow winding road where the speed limit varies between 30 and 50 kph. It takes an hour to complete the 15 miles!

The site is an extension of stables. The view on one side is fabulous, of the mountains, the other not quite so, of the muck from the stables.

There is an outdoor swimming pool within walking distance. We have to buy swim caps, the guard rules that my Danish haircut is not short enough. He redeems himself by handing out free chocolate biscuits to everyone later.

Talk to a Dutch woman later. She's here with her partner. His family are from the valley and set up a chimney sweep business in Holland. The valley is rich in sweep history. The town has a museum and holds an annual international festival at the end of August. Over 1,000 sweeps are expected to attend.

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